Back Pain in Sex?

For many of the millions of Americans who suffer with back pain, trying to maintain a healthy sex life can be frustrating. But back pain doesn’t have to mean no sex, though it may mean taking a different approach to lovemaking. And that can be a good thing. As the saying goes, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” The first step is to get a sound diagnosis from a doctor or therapist. Remember that sexuality is an integral part of normal, healthy relationships. So be sure to ask how a specific back condition might affect it, and follow the advice received. Ideally, both partners should be present so both hear the same advice.

Emotional and Psychological Issues

Understandably, the limitations brought about by back pain may produce stress that can damage a relationship. The person who doesn’t have the pain often finds it difficult to understand what his or her partner is experiencing. The negative effects that pain has been causing in a couple’s sex life can sometimes spill over into other aspects of the relationship.

Good communication is critical. Otherwise, one partner may mistakenly interpret a reluctance to engage in sexual activity as an excuse for not wanting to be close, which can lead to feelings of rejection and resentment.

To reduce the tension, try to create an atmosphere in which neither partner will feel rushed. Be patient with each other. Many therapists suggest setting the stage with a gentle massage, a hot bath or shower, or the application of a pain cream - any of which can relax the muscles and ease pain. Even under the best of circumstances, back pain may occur during sex. Knowing this, couples should plan how they’ll respond ahead of time, so they can avoid becoming angry or frustrated.

Positions and Approaches

For people with lower back pain there may be a preference either for bending forward, or standing straight / bending backwards.

1) Bending backwards/standing straight. For some people with degenerative disc disease or a disc herniation, standing up straight or bending backwards tends to feel better, and bending forward tends to make the pain worse. These people are usually most comfortable when the spine is straightened or bent backward slightly (basically stand more upright, not slouched). Bending backwards is called “extension”.

2) Bending forwards. For some people with spinal stenosis, they feel better when they bend forward, and worse when they stand more upright. People with spinal stenosis may resist standing upright and may slouch or tip their shoulders forward to feel more comfortable. Bending forward is called “flexion”.

These differences must be taken into account when deciding which sexual positions might work best.

On my next post, I will elaborate more on these two approaches...

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